You'd think so many would encumber
The mouth, but they fit neatly in
Below the nose, above the chin,
Behind the lips, a double row,
So strong and sharp, and white as snow.
To keep them shining, clean and bright,
Your scrub them morning, noon and night.
The teeth are used in chewing steaks
And pickled pears and angel cakes-
A list of all the things they chew
Would reach from here to Timbuctoo.
Think of all the tons of food
Which in your life your teeth have chewed!
Though birds lack teeth and cannot chew
Their victuals up like me and you,
Gizzards, it's generally conceded,
Do all the chewing that is needed.
A gizzard no cause for discontent is:
Birds never need to see the dentist.
The use of toothpicks is thought rude
And should in public be eschewed.
To animals, both pigs and men,
Teeth only seem important when
They're not around. If you have not
Got 'em, you miss them quite a lot.
So keep your teeth, don't let them go;
Replacements cost a lot of dough.
from Freddy and Simon the Dictator
Hark
While I croon a verse
In praise
Of the universe.
The universe is quite good-sized,
And is, I think, well organized,
Containing as it does, a slew
Of stars and planets. Comets too
Occasionally whiz about
And dodge and circle in and out
Among the clustered nebulae.
They scare the dickens out of me,
But I suppose they know their stuff
And are expert and quick enough
To keep from bumping or colliding
With other worlds. But I'm residing
At present on the planet, earth,
And it does not arouse my mirth
To see these reckless comets fly
Around as if they owned the sky.
It's much too dangerous in a crowd,
And really shouldn't be allowed.
Yet tho there's nothing to prevent
Bad manners in the firmament,
The heavenly bodies, generally,
Are well behaved and courteously
Avoid all quarrels and disputes-
Tho when they have them, they are beauts.
As to the universe's size,
It's rather large than otherwise,
Containing stars and galaxies
And satellites of all degrees.
And some are dim and some are bright,
But all are lighted up at night,-
Mostly along the Milky Way-
A quite remarkable display.
Some scientific fellows hope
By peering thru a telescope
To chart the heavens and name each star
Of all the billions that there are.
More sensible I think it is
Just to sit back and let them whiz
Along on their accustomed track
Around and round the zodiac.
For since they are not bothering me
I think it's best to let them be.
And that is all I have to say
About the universe today.
from Freddy and the Spaceship
Breathes there a pig with soul so dead
Who never to himself has said:
"This is my own, my native pen?"
Whose heart has ne'er within him burned
As home his trotters he has turned
From wandering in the world of men?
from Freddy and the Bean Home News
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